AND A FEW MORE WIZARDS: SET-UPS AND PAYOFFS

First, let me offer my excuses for not finishing up the set-ups and payoffs regarding various wizards sooner -- Thanksgiving, everyone in the house is sick except me, Christmas is coming, we're supposed to go out on a string of career-crucial meetings this week. Okay, excuses over. Here we go.

Mundungus Fletcher

Mundungus, funny though he may be, is a pretty scummy character. Although he's a member of the Order of the Phoenix, he's a petty thief [OP-5], and he plies his trade pretty diligently throughout the books. So diligently, in fact, that he can't even be trusted to stand guard reliabily [OP-1].

We learn that Mundungus is personally loyal to Dumbledore, who rescued him once [OP-5]. That loyalty, however, doesn't seem to extend to anyone Dumbledore cares about, given that Mundungus's devotion to his trade takes him back to 12, Grimmauld Place to steal items Harry has inherited after Sirius's death [HBP-12].

Somehow Dumbledore stops Mundungus from doing so [HBP-13], and Mundungus goes into hiding. Not very well, apparently, or maybe the lure of thievery was just too strong for him, as we learn he's been thrown into Azkaban for impersonating an Inferius during a burglary [HBP-21].

Well, it's a good thing we know where he is, because I wouldn't be surprised if Harry might need to have a chat with Mundungus in Book 7. At some point, Harry will have to remember the locket he saw during the cleaning up of 12, Grimmauld Place, and he'll have to remember that Sirius's brother was named Regulus, and he'll have to put the two together and wonder if that very locket mightn't be the locket Horcrux "R.A.B" stole from the Cave.

And what if he goes back to 12, Grimmauld Place and finds the locket missing? Well, first thing, he should check Kreacher's stash. But if it's not there, I'd say Mundungus is the first stop in the search for the locket.

And one more set-up about Mundungus, who's already someone we really wouldn't want to trust with our lives. We know he joined the Order out of loyalty to Dumbledore. But where do his loyalties lie now that Dumbledore is dead?

Given all the secrets of the Order that he must know, maybe it's a really good thing that he's in Azkaban.

Rufus Scrimgeour

We first met Scrimgeour in Half-Blood Prince [HBP-1]. But we were actually introduced to him back in Order of the Phoenix, and it wasn't an introduction that should make us feel comfortable with him. We learn, in a throwaway line, that Scrimgeour is suspicious of the Aurors who are members of the Order [OP-7].

That suspicious nature continues once Scrimgeour comes into power. We see early on that he and Dumbledore are in disagreement [HBP-4], and Scrimgeour overtly sets himself against Dumbledore every time we see him after that.

We know that Scrimgeour, cynical manipulator that he is, wants Harry to serve as a public relations shill for the Ministry. We also know that he wants information that he can't get, specifically about Dumbledore [HBP-16]. (Just think how many avenues he must have tried before dragging Percy to the Weasleys so he could corner Harry!)

And we know that Harry's got his number:

"...You never get it right, you people, do you? Either we've got Fudge, pretending everything's lovely while people get murdered right under his nose, or we've got you, chucking the wrong people into jail and trying to pretend you've got 'the Chosen One' working for you!"

"So you're not 'the Chosen One'?" said Scrimgeour.

"I thought you said it didn't matter either way?" said Harry, with a bitter laugh. "Not to you anyway."

"I shouldn't have said that," said Scrimgeour quickly. "It was tactless--"

"No, it was honest," said Harry. "One of the only honest things you've said to me. You don't care whether I live or die, but you do care that I help you convince everyone you're winning the war against Voldemort..."

What will we see from Rufus Scrimgeour in Book 7? More of the same, I would expect. He has clearly drawn battle lines between himself and Dumbledore, just as strong, perhaps, as the lines drawn against Voldemort. And as Harry has made it quite clear that he is "Dumbledore's man through and through" [HBP-16, 30], undoubtedly Scrimgeour will continue the adversarial relationship against Harry.

However, with all the storylines to be fulfilled in Book 7, I have to think that any obstacles thrown up against Harry's quest on the part of the Ministry of Magic will play minor roles compared to the quest itself.

Ollivander and Florean Fortescue

Both Ollivander and Fortescue disappeared at the same time [HBP-6]. But there was a big difference between them: Fortescue, based on the state of his shop, was clearly dragged off kicking and screaming. Ollivander, on the other hand, left his shop in good shape, with absolutely no signs of any struggle having occurred. So one must ask: Did he leave with the Death Eaters voluntarily?

In any event, as Mr. Weasley points out, it's not good for Voldemort's side to have Ollivander in their clutches. As the best wandmaker around, he could be uniquely valuable to them.

I expect that we will see Fortescue again, probably at the end of Book 7, as part of the celebration of Voldemort's defeat. Ollivander... I'm not so sure about.

Wizard qualification

I didn't really have another category to put this topic in, and as I only have a brief thought about it, I thought I'd just slip it in here.

We know that coming of age and being "qualified" as a wizard are two different things. It seems that one becomes qualified upon taking one's NEWTs. Hagrid is certainly "of age," but, having been expelled from Hogwarts, never became "fully-qualified." The Weasley twins, having dropped out of Hogwarts, presumably are also unqualified, despite their extreme skill as wizards.

So Harry, who has announced his intention to also drop out of Hogwarts, will also presumably not be a "fully-qualified" wizard. Which makes the following statement by Dumbledore (said at the Cave) of interest:

"Voldemort will not have cared about the weight, but about the amount of magical power that crossed his lake. I rather think an enchantment will have been placed upon this boat so that only one wizard at a time will be able to sail in it."

"But then--?"

"I do not think you will count, Harry: You are underage and unqualified. Voldemort would never have expected a sixteen-year-old to reach this place: I think it unlikely that your powers will register compared to mine." [HBP-26]

So Harry slips through under Voldemort's radar, as it were, because he is underage and unqualified. Now he will be of age, of course, when (or shortly after) the final book begins. But will it make a difference that he is unqualified? Will that somehow help him to avoid any of Voldemort's traps?

One can only hope...

........

That finally wraps up my thoughts on set-ups and payoffs regarding the various wizards of Harry Potter. Obviously I have cherry-picked among the wizards and haven't covered everyone. (Feel free to weigh in with thoughts on wizards I should have touched on!)

Next... On to the most fascinating wizard in the whole story... the Half-Blood Prince himself, Professor Severus Snape.

MOVIE THOUGHTS: HARRY POTTER AND THE GOBLET OF FIRE

I didn't even want to see the Lord of the Rings movies. The books meant so much to me, I didn't want someone else's interpretation, someone else's images, taking over my mind.

Somehow, much as I love the Harry Potter books, I haven't felt the same way about the movies. Maybe because the movies are coming out so quickly after the books, maybe because the books have been such a sensation asbooks, maybe because I cement my own interpretation of the books right away by reading them out loud to Lee and the kids, (and okay, maybe because I'd sure love to be involved with one of the movies myself), I haven't had any concern about the movies overtaking the images in my mind. The movies are cool, but the books remain paramount in my mind.

It is hard, in an odd way, for me to see the movies because I see the books so strongly in my mind, and because I know them so well. By my second or third read-through of each book, my subconscious is plotting out the screenplay, cutting scenes, telescoping scenes together, mentally marking the "must-keep" lines.

And here's how I would adapt Goblet of Fire (or, reallyk, any book): I would make a list of every plot beat in the story. Not just every scene, but every beat. Every single thing that happens. For a book as plot-dense as GoF, I would expect a final list of 1000 beats or so. I would start at the end of the story and go backwards, marking every beat that was necessary to get to the end of the story.

Next I would start thinking about the theme(s) of the book (not necessarily the same as the theme(s) of the movie, but in the case of a book so well-loved, chances are the themes will stay pretty close!). Now while the series has several themes running through the books (sacrifice, choices, love, etc.), each book also has its own themes. For Goblet of Fire, I'd say the dominant theme is that of identity. Look at all the characters this theme is reflected through: Voldemort regains his identity as he regains his body. Mad-Eye Moody has an identity crisis going on, one might say. Harry and Ron are trying to figure out who they are in terms of girls. And so on...

So my next step would be to go back through that list of 1000 beats and mark every beat that reflected each theme. And from there, I'd start cutting scenes and sequences.

Wait a minute, I hear you saying. Shut up already about how you'd adapt the book, and tell us what you think about how the filmmakers actually did it!

Well, the long prologue is basically to say I'm probably the wrong person to review it. I know too much, I've thought too much about it. There's no way I can have a real visceral reaction to the movie.

But I'll share a few thoughts (Finally! I hear you say...).

I thought the movie was too short. Not anyone's fault: With a book this long and this dense, any movie would have been too short.

I thought the cuts were well chosen. To get to the Quidditch World Cup (and through it!) so quickly, and without missing any crucial plot points, was breathtaking in its economy.

I thought the decision to reveal Barty Crouch, Jr. from the beginning was the right choice. The Barty-Crouch-Pensieve episode in the books is extremely problematic from a dramatic point of view, as it stops the story dead to raise and answer questions right at the most emotional moment in the story. The real temptation would be to do away with the Polyjuice Fake-Mad-Eye storyline altogether -- and in a less well-known story, there's a good chance a studio would have gone for that option. Given the problems, I think the filmmakers handled it very well indeed.

I thought the fight with the Hungarian Horntail was fabulous, and I understand why the filmmakers wanted to "open it up" and have the dragon chase Harry around the castle. The chase was well-done, and frankly it was fun to see part of the movie where I didn't know already exactly what was coming next. But I probably would have chosen to spend those minutes later in the movie.

The Yule Ball was well done, I thought, and very satisfying throughout. I liked the addition of the dancing lessons -- it felt like something McGonagall would do. I could tell the sequence really worked because Cory, who's now 11 and intensely uncomfortable with the whole concept of "girls," suddenly became incredibly squirmy, felt a sudden need to run to the bathroom, and didn't settle down till we got back to something more comfortable like, oh, threats to one's bodily existence.

Loved Moaning Myrtle and how they milked that comparatively small moment in the prefect's bathroom.

I was glad they kept the Second Task fairly brief (at least it felt that way) -- the least interesting in the book, I thought.

I thought the choice to make the maze itself the real danger of the Third Task was very smart. In the book, when we don't know where the maze is leading, we get into the blast-ended skrewts, and the puzzles, etc. But given that the Third Task is itself ultimately meaningless in terms of the plot, I thought getting rid of all those elements was a smart choice. Note that all the important character bits are there: Fleur being disabled and out of the race, Krum being Imperiused (though they didn't explained it that way -- possibly because those cloudy eyes would be inconsistent with the idea that you can't tell when someone is Imperiused -- yet the cloudy eyes were a nice visual shorthand for the moment in the maze), Diggory being injured. We just get to what really matters more cleanly. Nicely done.

Then we come to the graveyard. Here's where I would put those minutes we spent with the dragon chasing Harry. Don't get me wrong: What we saw in the graveyard was terrific. I just think we needed more time. More time for Harry to be afraid, especially. One of the most important moments to me in all the books is the moment when Harry makes the decision to stand up from behind the gravestone and face Voldemort. That moment was on screen -- but it went by so fast, we never got to feel Harry's fear, feel his decision, feel the fear become courage.

Ralph Fiennes was terrific. I loved his reaction to his new body. I know people have objected to the lack of red eyes, but I think that's the right choice for the movie. An actor only has four tools to work with: his face, his body, his voice and his eyes. Fiennes has already lost most of the use of his face under all that make-up. To take away his eyes as well would really be to handicap him -- and to ruin our response to him.

That being said, again, I wanted more. I wanted more time. I wanted to feel more of the chill that Lord Voldemort's return means. I wanted more Death Eaters -- somehow I'm not all that scared of 5 guys.

On to the unraveling -- I thought it was very well handled, given how difficult the plot becomes to follow once we get to the fake Mad-Eye Moody (a wonderful performance, btw). (And props to the filmmakers for making sure we had all the set-up we needed, in the scene in Snape's supply cupboard.)

Finally, I was pleased they did include the one line I had to hear in the movie -- choosing between "what is right and what is easy" -- though I was disappointed that Dumbledore said this to Harry in private, rather than proclaiming such an important message before the whole school.

So basically, I liked the movie.

What did I miss? What did I think they left out? (Other than more time in the graveyard?)

I missed Dumbledore saying to Snape, "You know what I must ask of you" and Snape taking off to be the spy for the Order of the Phoenix (though Snape's role may not even have been known at the time this screenplay was being written). I missed any interaction between Harry and Ginny, especially his inviting her to the Yule Ball and her reaction.

And I missed Richard Harris. For my money, Michael Gambon simply doesn't have the chops as Dumbledore. He's weak, he's a little foolish. When he wants to portray Dumbledore's hidden power, he just gets angry. Right now it's hard to believe this guy is "he only one he ever feared." He was better this time around than in Prisoner of Azkaban -- but he has a long way to go to make the finale of Order of the Phoenix believable. Here's hoping he pulls it together!

But these are quibbles. The movie basically worked. It's not the book. It can't be the book. But it doesn't have to be. Because we still have the book.

And ultimately, that's what matters.

HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-CRAZED BUREAUCRACY

Kit, who reads this blog, passed on to me this link to an essay from, of all places, the Michigan Law Review. It's a libertarian analysis of the Ministry of Magic called Harry Potter and the Half-Crazed Bureaucracy.

I got a kick out of reading it, if only to feel assured that there are other people out there taking Harry as seriously as I am... though in rather a different direction!

Hope you are all enjoying your Thanksgiving weekend! (At least you Americans....)

HAPPY THANKS-GIVING

Some 10 years ago or so, I was in a small group where the leader had us number a page from 1 to 100. We then had to write down 100 things we were thankful for. I loved the exercise, and took it to heart.

Now, at the beginning of every month, I sit down and make a list of 50 things I am thankful for from the previous month. Some months it's harder than others. And I've had two longish stretches where I simply forgot to do it at all... not surprisingly, those ungrateful times have been some of the toughest patches we've gone through. But it's the months when I really really don't want to do it that it somehow seems the most important.

Anyway, here, pulled totally at random from my thank you notebook, as a Thanksgiving reminder for myself, are some things I have been grateful for, working my way back through the past year. And may I pass this little exercise on to you, for the joy, chastisement, and surprises it may bring you.

For this I am thankful:

1. The surprisingly accomplished artworks the kids at our school did for an art-related fundraiser.
2. Being healthy again.
3. My skin cancer scar being almost gone.
4. Having enough money to keep the bills paid.
5. Cory getting the part he wanted in our church's Advent show.
6. Getting to try out a new "set etiquette" class for Act One.
7. Getting a new pool maintenance guy after the old one flaked out and the pool became a toxic waste site.
8. My dermatologist.
9. How hard Lee worked on the script we just finished.
10. Act One's new short film project (and the funding for it!)
11. Liking the room parents I'm assigned to work with this year (not true in previous years!)
12. The kids' excitement about Christmas in the new house.
13. The Sermon on the Mount
14. How high my blog is rated on Google (at least on Harry Potter-related topics)
15. Mango-a-Go-Go smoothies from Jamba Juice
16. An afternoon hanging with my friend Barb.
17. IMing with my friend Pete in Chicago
18. The "posse" of really good kids Cory hangs out with at church.
19. Finding babysitters when needed.
20. The upcoming road trip our writers' group is taking to Baja California in February.
21. Our kids' school.
22. The Barnes & Noble Harry Potter "class"/chat room.
23. The fact that our kids want to hang out with us.
24. Our friends' liking our new house.
25. The view from the new house.
26. Reading "Half-Blood-Prince" out loud to Cory and Lee.
27. Our new agents.
28. Cory and his best friend Max stealing the show at the Family Camp talent show.
29. Friends who pray for us daily.
30. The growth and blessings God is showering on our church.
31. Getting a new cell phone with better coverage.
32. The discipline of Lent.
33. The "Soaring Over California" ride at Disney's California Adventure.
34. Good guidance from a wise senior entertainment exec about changing agents.
35. Hope.
36. Possibilities of actual work.
37. Cory getting to go to our church's Junior Winter Camp (even though there wasn't any snow).
38. The computer game "Alchemy"
39. Almost daily IMs of encouragement from my friend Marion.
40. Being flooded with notes of encouragement from friends when times were tough.
41. People actually reading this blog.
42. Time to read books.
43. Having a clean house.
44. Sabrina selling over 200 boxes of Girl Scout cookies
45. Cory winning a code of conduct award at school.
46. Richard Foster's compilation book "Spiritual Classics"
47. The hotel we stayed at in Carmel when visiting the mission for Cory's class project
48. Having enough time to process the loss of our home.
49. Watching "White Christmas" with the kids.
50. Grandma taking Sabrina clothes-shopping.

Thank you for allowing me this year's worth of recollection. And now, random and grateful, I wish you all a very Happy Thanksgiving...

ACT ONE IN THE ATLANTIC MONTHLY

Even though we have no publicist, no press relations person, nothing like that, Act One continues to get great press. This month it's a nice article in The Atlantic Monthly. Check it out.

And because you asked... No, I haven't seen Goblet-of-Fire-the-movie yet. I hosted two big parties this weekend (one for Act One, one for Premise), and somehow didn't get to the movies in all that. And I have a script due today and here comes Thanksgiving. But I will post my thoughts as soon as I see the movie. In a few days. I promise.

I CONFESS

Barbara Nicolosi has tagged me with the "I Confess" meme going around... So here goes...

I confess to writing several night-before-due papers in college that were essentially paraphrases of the Cliffs Notes, all on books or plays I never bothered to read.

I confess to playing "asleep" in the wee hours of the night when my daughter wakes up and yells, holding my breath in the hopes her shouts will wake my husband, who is too nice to play "asleep" when his daughter is yelling.

I confess to liking almost any high-fructose-corn-syrup-partially-hydrogenated-trans-fat treat made by Hostess.

I confess to skipping a year's worth of orthodontia appointments when in high school, and to hiding the letters sent home to my parents so they never knew (obviously in the days before voicemail!).

I confess to wishing someone would read my blog and offer me a book deal, because it would just be so easy.

I confess that if I lost my Bible, I'd shrug and order a new one from amazon, but if I lost my organizer, I'd first panic and then post a very, very large reward.

I confess to shaving my legs dry when I am really really in a hurry.

I confess to an inordinate love of high-end hotels. With big fluffy bathrobes. And Jacuzzi tubs. And room service. And twice-a-day maid service. And mints on the pillow.

I confess to regifting at Christmastime. (But never to you! Really. I swear.)

I confess that I cannot stand the great Russian authors. That even something as relatively short as "One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich" felt like one year to me. And that I wrote my paper about it using the Cliffs Notes.

I confess to having had a teenage crush on (of all people) Paul Simon.

I confess that I once went 32 days without washing my hair just to see how long it would take for people to comment (not realizing that someday people would earn a million dollars for doing just that).

I confess to practicing my own Oscar acceptance speech after the awards are over.

I confess to being addicted to the computer game "Big Money." And to "Alchemy." And "Rocket Mania." And to swiping my kids' Game Boy so I can play "Little Mermaid Pinball" without them knowing about it.

I confess that I always thought I wouldn't mind if I never had kids, but now I think maybe I would have.

AND MORE WIZARDS!: SET-UPS AND PAYOFFS

I'm done with jury duty! Hallelujah! I could vent here about what a waste of time it was, a case that should never have come to trial (a guy accused of stealing trash!)... but I lost three days of my life over it, and why should you lose even three minutes reading about it?

So back we go to various Wizards of Interest, and the payoffs we might expect from them:

Rubeus Hagrid

I have to be honest up front and say that I have never fully understood the deep affection people feel for Hagrid -- in or outside of the books. I don't understand the incredibly amount of time we have spent with him, with remarkably little plot payoff (Buckbeak, a lot of set-up for Grawp to scare away the centaurs... and, um, that's about it). He has always struck me as essentially comic relief -- but we've spent too much time with him for that. I hope some of you out there who are passionate about Hagrid will speak up, because I do keep feeling like I'm missing something about him.

Rita Skeeter refers to Hagrid's "mysterious influence" over Harry [GF-24] -- and I have to say that, for once, I sort of agree with her. I don't get it.

So, given what we do know about him, why should he be important in Book 7?

First, I want to refer you all to John Granger's website for his discussions on alchemy. If Sirius Black represents the "black" stage of alchemy, and Albus Dumbledore the "white" stage, and if J.K. Rowling is indeed following an alchemical pattern in her books, I think it likely that Rubeus Hagrid will represent the "red" stage (despite the Weasleys' red hair: It seems to be the names of the characters that identify them alchemically, not their appearance). Go read John's stuff to make sense of all this -- and in the meantime, just know that an alchemical interpretation assures us that Hagrid will be important in Book 7.

Okay, back to more traditional set-ups and payoffs.

We know that Dumbledore would trust Hagrid with his life [SS-1]. And indeed, though we've never seen Dumbledore do so, he has certainly entrusted Hagrid with some incredibly important tasks, including the transportation of the Sorcerer's Stone [SS-5], and of course, Harry himself, several times. Dumbledore entrusted the infant Harry with Hagrid (on a flying motorcycle, no less!) [SS-1], entrusted him to pick up Harry and bring him to Hogwarts [SS-4], and, when danger was much higher, entrusted him to escort Harry safely through Diagon Alley even when the Ministry of Magic wanted to send a squad of Aurors for the task [HBP-6].

But why? We never learn why Dumbledore trusts Hagrid so very deeply (especially given how bad Hagrid is at keeping his mouth shut!). Is it because of his impermeability to spells [OP-31, HBP-28]? Is it because of something in Hagrid's past? We just don't know.

One has to wonder what Hagrid's life would have been like without Dumbledore. We know that Hagrid was expelled from Hogwarts after the Chamber of Secrets incident, was banned from doing magic and had his wand snapped [SS-4]. We know that Dumbledore found a place for him at Hogwarts, and has been his staunch supporter and defender ever since. There are plenty of reasons for Hagrid to trust and love Dumbledore. But not much to show us why that trust goes both ways.

So what will happen with Hagrid in Book 7? Well, we haven't been given much to go on. The alchemical reading would say Hagrid has to die -- and frankly, I agree. All Hagrid has done for six books has been show his faithfulness -- and what more faithful act can he serve than to die for those he loves? I don't see how else he can serve the story... and given that our trio has already started separating from him emotionally, I think it even more likely.

Will he die due to a mistake he makes by talking too much? Maybe. That wouldn't be a kind way for him to go, however, and I think JKR likes him too much to let him be responsible for his own death. (But she's been pretty ruthless with her characters, so we can't let that weigh too heavily.)

The biggest set-up we have for Hagrid is the sheer amount of time we have spent with him. For that reason alone, he needs to play an important role in Book 7. We just don't have set-ups as to what that role might be.

Ludo Bagman

Ludo Bagman is floating out there in the Wizarding World just waiting for some Death Eater to exploit him.

We saw how lax he was about security at the Quidditch World Cup [GF-7]. We've seen his rather extreme gambling problem, even extending to wanting to help Harry cheat at the Triwizard Tournament all so he (Ludo) could win a bet [GF-24].

And we've seen that he's skirted serious trouble in the past. When accused of passing information to Death Eaters [GF-30], he didn't deny it, but claimed ignorance of the Death Eaters' involvement with Voldemort, and traded on his fame as a Quidditch player.

This is a guy who is extremely susceptible to blackmail, I have to say. If he knows any useful information at all, he's very likely to spill it to the next person to come along.

We can say he's just weak, feel sorry for him, make excuses (as the Wizengamot clearly did). But look where he is now: On the run [GF-37] after the goblins refused to honor his shady bet on Harry. On the run, just like our other notable weak character, Slughorn, was at the beginning of Half-Blood Prince.

Weak? Sure. But Ludo's weakness is the type that gets people killed ("Loose lips sink ships," one might say). I think Winky was right when she called Ludo a "bad wizard" [GF-382].

Will we see him again in Book 7? We certainly don't have to -- he can stay on the run until Voldemort is really truly dead. But if we need a character to pass information along to the Dark Lord, he's certainly handly... and nicely set-up for the job.

Victor Krum

Victor Krum was a fascinating character to have around in Goblet of Fire to add some juice to the beginning of the Ron/Hermione relationship. And of course his legendary Quidditch playing [GF-8] was a lot of fun. But I think he may be worth more than that, plot-wise.

The interesting things about Victor have to do with his school, Durmstrang. We learn early on that they actually teach the Dark Arts there [GF-11]. One would expect a bunch of Slytherins, stuck-up with pride. But Victor, we learn, actually prefers Hogwarts to Durmstrang [GF-24]. I have to think that he is the primary one Dumbledore was speaking to when he offered all the foreign students a permanent welcome to Hogwarts after Voldemort returned [GF-37].

And then there's Hermione. First, there's the fact that she thinks he's nice [GF-24]. Can we really imagine Hermione going out with someone who was really evil? She certainly is smart enough to have Cormac McLaggen's number in Half-Blood Prince! And she has continued an epistolary relationship with Victor. Why? I think it's because we'll see him again in Book 7, bringing his Dark Arts skills to the fight -- and providing a little juice to Ron's jealousy as a bonus.

... Okay, time to stop and do some real work. More random wizards next post, and then we'll move on to the most interesting wizard in the whole HP world: Severus Snape.

Don't forget to comment!

JURY DUTY

There's a guy in Hollywood who somehow makes a living pitching high concept ideas that get set up at studios but rarely rarely get made. And I remember quite some years ago he sold two sentences for way too much money: "What are the two words that strike fear into the heart of any American? 'Jury Duty!'"

Well, I didn't think much of it at the time... But I've got to say, he had a point.

I am on jury duty. I really don't want to be, but I just can't lie to get out of it (unlike some of the booted jurors I heard today, let me say!).

I tried really hard. It's a criminal case, so I made sure they knew that I had been a victim of a violent crime. Unfortunately, this is a non-violent crime. So it didn't seem to matter.

I found myself very saddened for the rather good-looking defendant (good-looking enough to have been an actor at one point -- several people thought they recognized him, but couldn't place him, and evidently that was why). Either he totally messed up his life, or he is being wrongfully accused. Either way, not very pleasant for him.

I also found myself somewhat sad (and sometimes a little appalled) to hear the prospective jurors answering questions. Several had clearly been coached on what to say to get out of jury duty, and just kept repeating the same answer regardless of the question ("Have you yourself ever been involved with the criminal justice system?" "I think that I would automatically believe anything a policeman says and trust that they always tell the truth, no matter what.")

Others were, well, to be charitable, less than Einsteins. A lot of people had trouble rephrasing "reasonable doubt" in their own words. Fine, I would too. But a couple of people couldn't even understand the simplest question, and/or couldn't get a coherent answer out that anyone in the room could follow. I was greatly relieved when the lawyers booted them off the jury! As much as I don't want to serve at this current time, I'd rather lose my week than have someone sitting in judgment who can't formulate a simple sentence!

(Let me just say: I have done jury service before and will again. I just feel such pressure right now because of losing a whole month to pneumonia. And I already postponed once -- they called me for our moving week! -- so am stuck now.)

Anyway, thanks for letting me feel a tiny bit sorry for myself... All to say, please forgive me if I'm not blogging overly much this week. (Who knows? Maybe they'll boot me when we return tomorrow -- they booted the other two women who had been victims of crimes, after all. One can hope.)

If I can find Internet access at the courthouse, I'll plug in and blog away. Promise.

WIZARDS, WIZARDS, WIZARDS: SET-UPS AND PAYOFFS

On we go, in no particular order, to talk about the set-ups and payoffs for wizards that caught my attention on my last read-through of Harry Potter.

Neville Longbottom

I actually expected a lot more from Neville in Half-Blood Prince. I wanted to see him be a true Gryffindor, I wanted to see him prove himself, I wanted to see him kick some serious Death Eater butt. And, as we know, I got virtually none of what I wanted.

I guess I didn't realize Neville had already fulfilled his promise in Order of the Phoenix. He's changed so radically from the wuss we met at the beginning of the saga, but somehow I didn't recognize what I was seeing when I saw it.

I do think we'll see more of Neville. But as for proving himself -- I have to admit, he's already done it.

The big question regarding Neville is, of course, why did the Sorting Hat put him in Gryffindor (after taking quite a long time to decide) [SS-7]? We only get the barest of hints that he might actually belong there in Book 1, when Neville shows courage in standing up to Harry, Ron and Hermione as they venture forth in quest of the Sorcerer's Stone [SS-16], and is honored for this by Dumbledore [SS-17].

But after this one moment, it takes several years for Neville to show his stuff again. Finally, in OotP, he takes a step toward courage. He joins the DA [OP-18]. He joins the fight at the Ministry of Magic, even though Harry wants to leave him behind [OP-34]. And he acquits himself well there, even though both his nose and his father's wand are broken [OP-35].

And, drumming home the fact that I should have recognized, the fact that Neville has already proven himself as a Gryffindor, McGonagall comes right out and says so, pretty directly:

"It's high time your grandmother learned to be proud of the grandson she's got, rather than the one she thinks she ought to have -- particularly after what happened at the Ministry." [HBP-9]

And remember -- Neville did all that with the wrong wand -- and we know that a wizard can't get good results with another wizard's wand [SS-5].

We see more evidence of Neville's incipient courage in HBP: He longs for the DA to start up again [HBP-7], he's one of the only people to keep the enchanted coin from the DA in his pocket, just in case [HBP-30]. And he again acquits himself well in the Battle for Hogwarts [HBP-28].

All Neville's major set-ups have been paid off. So we don't need to see much of him in Book 7, we don't need to play out any storylines involving him...

I just sort of hope we do, anyway.

Percy Weasley

If the question about Neville is 'why did the Hat put him in Gryffindor?' the question regarding Percy has to be: 'Why didn't the Hat put him in Slytherin?'

From the moment we meet Percy, we learn than he has the kind of ambition that generally drives Slytherins. In fact, right up front, Ron tells us that Percy wants to be Minister of Magic someday [CS-4]. Percy is pompous about being a prefect [CS-3] and he has his sight set on being Head Boy, enough to be worried that Ron will somehow hurt his chances [CS-9]. (Shouldn't he be worried about the twins hurting his chances? Just asking.)

Percy's ambition takes a step forward in each book. He becomes Crouch's personal assistant as a first step [GF-23], then quickly moves up to become Junior Assistant to the Minister of Magic [OP-4]. Given the amount of stifling bureaucracy and political games we've glimpsed at the Ministry of Magic, Percy sure is moving up quickly.

One would think his family would be proud. But no. Ron has his finger on Percy pretty well. Not only does he peg Percy's ultimate ambition for us right away, but he states his assumption that Percy would do anything --even commit murder -- to get a promotion [GF-24]. Yeah, it's a joke, but one of those jokes that's just a little too uncomfortable because it's too close to the truth. Ron also thinks Percy would throw his family to the dementors to advance his own career [GF-27]... and again, he's hitting too close to the truth.

Percy starts down the road Ron has mapped out for him when he turns his back on his family, calling them "traitors" [OP-4], accusing them of hanging with "petty criminals" [OP-14]. (He also turns his back on Harry when it is politically expedient to do so [OP-14].) He's clearly chosen where his loyalties lie: the Ministry of Magic. Arthur Weasley even thinks Percy has been assigned the task of spying on his own family [OP-4]. And to top it all off, Percy shows how corrupt he has become when he describes Dolores Umbridge as "delightful" [OP-14].

Nothing changes in HBP. Percy is still hanging in the corridors of power, still a flunky to the powerful, as we see when Rufus Scrimgeour forces him to accompany him to the Weasleys for a "Frosty Christmas." Note that Percy doesn't even have the integrity to refuse to visit the "traitors," but bends to the wishes of whoever can get him his next promotion.

I don't think Percy's story is over. All this power-grubbing has to have a payoff. Could we see Percy actually become Minister of Magic? (People have asked J.K. Rowling if Arthur Weasley would become Minister, but to the best of my knowledge, no one has asked this about the more likely candidate of Percy.) It'd take a lot of wiping out of senior levels at the Ministry, but Voldemort is certainly capable of that.

I admit, that's a stretch, if only because of Percy's relative youth. But I expect to see Percy with yet another promotion in Book 7. And I wouldn't be surprised if some of Ron's prophecies come true: I wouldn't be surprised at all if the set-ups that Percy would harm (kill?) his family for his own advancement have a payoff.

I also expect Percy to be killed in Book 7. No real set-ups here... just wishful thinking...

Next post, we'll move on to talk about Wormtail and Hagrid... maybe more...

DANGLING PLOT THREADS?

Eve Tushnet has send me the following link to a site collecting a master list of dangling plot threads in Harry Potter. We've dealt with most of 'em here (or they're on my list)... See if you can find any new ones!

SLUGHORN THE WEAK: SET-UPS AND PAYOFFS

Having moved through a discussion of Magical Objects (with the sudden and overwhelming realization that I left the Pensieve off the list! Oops!), I now want to move from things to people, and turn to looking at the set-ups and payoffs surrounding various wizards.

We've already examined set-ups and payoffs involving Voldemort and Harry in some detail, and I'm going to devote separate posts (maybe several of them, who knows) to Snape and Draco. So for right now, here's the wizards I'm going to take a quick look at, all of whom I think we will see again in Book 7:

Horace Slughorn
Neville Longbotton
Percy Weasley
Peter Pettigrew
Rubeus Hagrid
Ludo Bagman
Victor Krum
Mundungus Fletcher
Rufus Scrimgeour
Florian Fortescue
Ollivander

I also want to take a very quick look at marriages in the wizarding world, and at what it means for a wizard to be "qualified." Obviously I'm leaving a lot of people out -- Ron and Hermione, for starters! That's because, on my pneumonia-driven read-through of all six books, I felt any set-ups for those characters were right out in the open: When Hermione and Ron tell Harry, "We'll go with you wherever you're going" [HBP-30], it's not too hard to figure out that, gee, maybe in Book 7, Ron and Hermione will go on Harry's journey with him.

Anyone wants to add set-ups about other wizards -- feel free! Those comment boxes are working after all!

Okay, let's start with Horace Slughorn

As the official "visiting professor" of Book 6, Slughorn stands a very good chance of reappearing in Book 7. After all, we have had at the very least token appearance (often much more) from all our previous visiting professors except poor Professor Quirrell, who ended Book 1 a bit, um, indisposed.

So what do have have set-up about Slughorn, and what role is he like to play in Book 7?

Well, what we know primarily about him, is that he is weak. Weak in the sense of being prone to manipulation (both as subject and object). Weak in the sense of always protecting himself, of having the instinct to hide and lie. Weak in the sense of riding the coattails of power, of trying to impress others not by his own power, but by his proximity to power.

Slughorn, therefore, is a wonderfully apt character for our own celebrity-driven culture. We recognize him immediately -- and to our shame, often recognize pieces of him in ourselves.

Let's look at specifics. For once, instead of having to figure out the truth about a visiting professor, Dumbledore tells Harry (and us) exactly what Slughorn is about from the get-go:

"Horace," said Dumbledore, "...likes his comfort. He also likes the company of the famous, the successful, and the powerful. He enjoys the feeling that he influences these people. He has never wanted to occupy the throne himself; he prefers the backseat -- more room to spread out, you see. He used to handpick favorites at Hogwarts, sometimes for their ambition or their brains, sometimes for their charm or their talent, and he had an uncanny knack for choosing those who would go on to become outstanding in their various fields. Horace formed a kind of club of his favorites with himself at the center, making introductions, forging useful contacts between members, and always reaping some kind of benefit in return, whether a free box of his favorite crystalized pineapple or the chance to recommend the next junior member of the Goblin Liaison Office."

Harry had a sudden and vivid mental image of a great swollen spider, spinning a web around it, twitching a thread here and there to bring its large and juicy flies a little closer.

"I tell you all this," Dumbledore continued, "not to turn you against Horace -- or, as we must now call him, Professor Slughorn -- but to put you on your guard. He will undoubtedly try to collect you, Harry. You would be the jewel of his collection; 'the By Who Lived'... or, as they call you these days, 'the Chosen One.'" [HBP-4]

Notice that Dumbledore isn't warning Harry because he thinks Harry is in any danger from Slughorn. He is warning Harry against letting himself be manipulated -- a warning that will stand Harry in good stead against others beside Slughorn, as Rufus Scrimgeour moves in on him, for instance.

Slughorn, of course, as a master manipulator, recognizes Harry's attempted (and clumsy) manipulation easily, when Harry first goes after Slughorn's untampered-with memory [HBP-17]. I think it's to Slughorn's credit that he is genuinely ashamed of having given Tom Riddle such detailed information about Horcruxes [HBP-22] -- and I think, given the state of Slughorn's drunkenness, his shame is indeed genuine. When we see the memory, we get the sense that Slughorn regretted giving out the information even as he was doing it [HBP-23]. And he gives Harry that memory -- at least in part -- out of his love for the memory of Lily Evans (and we have here another reminder of Harry having "his mother's eyes") [HBP-22].

However, even as we see a sense of morality, a sense of knowing right from wrong lying deep within Slughorn, we see his abiding weakness: Yes, he does the right thing and gives Harry the memory -- but only with his overriding concern being what Harry thinks of him [HBP-21]. And yes, he gave Harry the memory out of his love of Lily -- but also because Harry appeals to his hunger for power-proximity by saying that, yes, he is the 'Chosen One' [HBP-22].

Again, when Dumbledore is killed, Slughorn's shock and dismay seem entirely genuine -- but his weakness shows through in that his first thoughts are of himself:

"Snape!" ejaculated Slughorn, who looked the most shaken, pale and sweating. "Snape! I taught him! I thought I knew him!" [HBP-29]

I know there are people out there who believe Slughorn is a secret Death Eater. I don't think so. I don't think someone this in love with what we might call "earthly" power would ever take sides that definitively. It's not in his character to do so. Siding with Voldemort would in fact mean an end to all the favor-currying Slughorn practices so assiduously; it would mean an end to his lifestyle. The power he craves is not what Voldemort can promise to provide: the power over other, to destroy them.

We learn that Slughorn, as he returns to Hogwarts and starts to revive the "Slug Club" before he even sets foot in the castle, in fact avoids recruiting students with ties to the Death Eaters [HBP-7]. He also lies (not a surprise from him) when Harry asks him about Horcruxes, specifically out of fear of being linked to the Dark Lord [HBP-18].

No, if Slughorn is evil, it is not because he has chosen what is wrong in lieu of what is right. It is because he has made the choice "between what is right and what is easy" [GF-37] -- and come down squarely on the "easy" side of the equation.

So why do I think Slughorn will make an appearance in Book 7?

I think we'll see him again -- perhaps only briefly -- because he is too important to Voldemort. Dumbledore acknowledges that Slughorn has "considerable skills" that the Death Eaters would find useful [HBP-4] (Among them, we learn, is Occlumency [HBP-17]). But I don't think this is the real reason Slughorn is, when we meet him, on the run from Voldemort.

I think Slughorn is valuable to Lord Voldemort because he is one of the few people left alive who knew him as Tom Riddle. And, with Dumbledore dead, he is one of the extremely few people alive (four, by my count) who know Voldemort has been making Horcruxes [HBP-19].

In short, Voldemort has very good reason to recuit Slughorn -- not because he wants to use his talents, but because he wants (a) to know who Slughorn has told about his Horcrux conversation with Tom Riddle and (b) to kill him.

So, as a corollary, not only do I think we will see Slughorn in Book 7, but I think we will see him safely holed up at Hogwarts (assuming the same protections continue there after Dumbledore's death), probably as head of Slytherin house. And I doubt he will set foot outside the castle until Voldemort is vanquished.

A true Slytherin, that Horace.

UNEXPECTED PATRIOTISM

It's Election Day here in California today. A rather controversial and some would say useless election. No one's running for office. No, it's a special election, called at the cost of tens of millions of dollars, just to vote on pet propositions put forth by our "acting governor" Arnold Schwarzenegger, who apparently is trying to get the voters to agree on what he can't get the (admittedly dysfunctional) Legislature to agree on. A lot of people are resentful about this -- and if they weren't already, the horrible non-stop attack ads on TV (from both sides) would be enough to make anyone hate the electoral process.

There's nothing on the slate that couldn't have waited for the regularly scheduled election in June. And frankly, I was thinking about not even bothering to vote. (Especially because I haven't changed my registration, so voting means I have to go back to Rustic Canyon, which makes it emotionally tough in a weird way.)

.....We have a "housekeeper" (term of choice out here in L.A. for a cleaning woman) who has worked for us off and on for about 10 years. Now she mostly works cleaning the Kodak Theatre (where the Oscars are held) on the night shift, but I called her back in a few months ago when I needed help unpacking and getting settled, since I knew she would know where all our stuff should go.

Natalia still comes in for us occasionally, but has to work her schedule around her always-fluctuating schedule at the Kodak. So when I asked if she could come in this week, she explained that she'd have to come in on Monday, because on Tuesday she's working at a polling place. And she was so proud when she said it.

She'd make more money working for us for the day, I know. But apparently that's not the point.

So I guess I'll go vote...

MAGICAL OBJECTS GALORE: SET-UPS AND PAYOFFS

Let's see if we can flash through the rest of the Magical Objects in Harry Potter, so we can move away from things and back to people in our next post... Again, not in order of importance at all...

Dragon's blood

Dumbledore was the one who discovered the 12 uses of dragon's blood [SS-6]. But we only see it used once: When Slughorn splatters it on the walls of the house he's squatting in to fool Dumbledore into thinking he's dead [HBP-4]. One has to wonder, given the expense of dragon's blood [HBP-4], why Slughorn used it rather than some other sort of random blood. Was it just to remind us that it's out there?

Also, somehow I doubt that one of Dumbledore's 12 stated uses was to splatter it on the walls to make people think you're dead. (Just a guess, here.) So what are the other 12 uses? Will they come into play in Book 7? I actually think they could, given all the emphasis on Potions in Book 6, especially the extreme stress on how Lily was so good at Potions. Not necessary, but if it shows up, it's certainly been set-up. (And perhaps Portrait-Dumbledore will be able to chat about those 12 uses if need be...)

Sneakoscopes

Sneakoscopes seem to be so very sensitive, one has to wonder if they're really all that useful. Harry's "pocket" Sneakoscope (are there different sizes, btw?), a gift from Ron in Prisoner of Azkaban[PA-1], won't stop spinning and lighting up, both on the train [PA-5] and when it breaks loose from its confinement in their dorm room [PA-11]. And Fake-Moody has actually disabled his Sneakoscope because, he claims, it's so sensitive [GF-20].

But with all their annoying properties, it's clear that Sneakoscopes definitely work, despite Bill Weasley's failure to take them seriously [PA-1]. Harry's only goes crazy when Scabbers is around [PA5, 11] -- and he's certainly untrustworthy. And forget what Fake-Moody says about students lying about their homework -- the real reason his Sneakoscope wouldn't shut up has to be because, well, he wasn't Mad-Eye Moody at all!

We've been draggintg that Sneakoscope around for a long time without using it. Maybe Harry will think to put it to use in Book 7. Wouldn't it be interesting to pull it out around Snape, for instance?

Sirius's knife

The knife Sirius gave Harry unlocks any lock and undoes any knot [GF-23]. So far we've only seen it unlock one lock: Umbridge's, when Harry wanted to get into her office to speak to Sirius [OP-29]. Handy thing to have if we have to untie any knots in Book 7.

The Two-Way Mirror

Some people give great gifts, and Sirius Black is/was clearly one of them. Yes, he absolutely should have told Harry what it was when he gave it to him in Order of the Phoenix [OP-24] -- though of course he had no way of knowing Harry wouldn't open the present. (Silly Harry. Let this be a lesson to all kids reading these books: Always open your Christmas presents, kids!)

But we learn what a great present it is/could have been when Harry finally opens it after Sirius's death and reads the note:

"This is a two-way mirror. I've got the other. If you need to speak to me, just say my name into it; you'll appear in my mirror and I'll be able to talk in yours. James and I used to use them when we were in separate detentions." [OP-38]

Harry thinks it's worthless after he tries to talk to the now-dead Sirius with it, and can't (thus underlining JKR's point that death is final and not reversible by magic -- something for all the "Dumbledore-is-not-dead" folks to keep in mind). He throws it in his trunk and it shatters [OP-38].

Now, we know we will see the two-way mirror again. J.K. Rowling practically promised us this in an interview. And since we didn't see it in Half-Blood Prince, that means we've got to see it in Book 7.

"But Harry shattered it!," I hear you exclaim. Yes, but isn't it convenient that he shattered it in his trunk. And given the pigsty that is Harry's trunk, my bet is the pieces are still rattling around in there, ready for Hermione to slap a nice "Reparo" spell on them.

As for the other half -- well, if it went through the veil with Sirius, of course it's now unreachable. But would Sirius really have carried it about with him on his person when he was essentially under house arrest? My bet is that when Harry goes to 12, Grimmauld Place, he'll find Mirror #2 waiting for him. And I'm thinking these visual walkie-talkies, as it were, will be quite handy indeed in Book 7.

The Hand of Glory

I think we've seen the payoff for this already, in HBP [HBP-29]. But what a nice set-up it was, really a throwaway:

"Ah, the Hand of Glory!" said Mr. Borgin, abandoning Mr. Malfoy's list and scurrying over to Draco. "Insert a candle and it gives light only to the holder! Best friend of thieves and plunderers! Your son has fine taste, sir."

"I hope my son will amount to more than a thief or a plunderer, Borgin," said Mr. Malfoy coldly... [CS-4]

And over 2500 pages (and six years) between set-up and payoff. Props to JKR on this one!

The Sorting Hat

Yes, the Sorting Hat belonged to Godric Gryffindor, and yes, Harry is looking for a Horcrux that may have come from Gryffindor... But I don't think it's the Sorting Hat, for one very good reason:

The Hat can talk. And as we see in its song in Phoenix [OP-11], it has a mind of its own. Do we really think it would allow itself to have part of Voldemort's soul sequestered away inside it and not mention it to anyone? I don't.

I'm most interested in the Sorting Hat's ability to read minds. It certainly knows what Harry is thinking when he's Sorted [SS-7]. And it remembers it a year later. If we had access to the Hat in Book 7, could we possibly use it as a form of Legilimency? A long shot, I think, but possible.

The Marauder's Map

Again, I think the Marauder's Map, like the Hand of Glory, has done all it really can do for us. It's helped Harry in and out of a myriad of sneaking-around situations, it's given him a link to his father, it's helped confuse us all regarding Fake-Moody/Barty Crouch Jr. (and given us helpful clues, had we remembered Lupin's statement that "The Marauder's Map never lies" [PA-18]).

But I don't think we'll get much more out of it, especially if we're spending little time at Hogwarts in Book 7. A marvelous Magical Object, though, and one that has given us a lot of great payoffs.

Magic carpets

These are banned in Britain because they're "Muggle artifacts" [GF-7] (but isn't a broom equally a "Muggle artifact"? Just asking). But given Harry's preference for flying over Apparition, and given the probable need for our trio to get places together quickly, we could possibly see them in Book 7. (Although probably they will just Apparate.)

Omnioculars

Someone in the Muggle world has to be working on these right now -- just combine Tivo with binoculars, and you've got 'em. (And I'll buy one!)... The Omnioculars have to be of more use than just watching Quidditch matches [GF-7], and could serve as the visual equivalent of Extendable Ears -- if Harry and Ron can remember they have them when they need them for spying.

Dark detectors

Fake-Moody has a whole raft of cool stuff in Goblet of Fire: Secrecy Sensors, a Foe-Glass, and lots of other unexplained stuff [GF-20]. It makes me wonder: What else do Aurors have available to them?

Dumbledore's instruments

Fake-Moody isn't the only professor with cool stuff in his office. Harry sees plenty of unexplained magical objects when he first enters Dumbledore's office:

A number of curious silver instruments stood on spindle-legged tables, whirring and emitting little puffs of smoke. [CS-12]

What do they all do? Well, we only learn what one does -- and we don't learn all that much. Dumbledore uses one of the instruments to determine something enigmatic regarding Nagini after Mr. Weasley is bitten [OP-22] (I personally think he was using the instrument to determine whether Nagini was a Horcrux).

What else are they good for? Does McGonagall know (if she's even confirmed as Headmistress, which I don't think is a given)? Can Portrait-Dumbledore explain them? Will Harry have access to them? Will they even still work with Dumbledore dead?

Or are they just cool items we will never see again, because to give Harry too many answers too easily would be, well, too easy?

Sirius's motorcycle

I hadn't even thought about the motorcycle, I blush to admit, until someone e-mailed me about it (Beth? Sarah? Regina? I saved the e-mail but now can't find it... sorry!).

But it's a cool Magical Object, set up at the very beginning of the story when Hagrid shows up at 4, Privet Drive with baby Harry [SS-1]. My bet is it's still at 12, Grimmauld Place, waiting for Harry who would rather fly than apparate. A nice visual "step-into-manhood" it would be...

Time Turners

We have definitely seen the last of these. Hermione reminds us in HBP that they were all smashed to bits in the Battle at the Ministry of Magic.

An important throwaway line, that, as it makes sure we can't just say "Hey, let's get a time-turner and go back to before Dumbledore was killed!" And I'm glad, as to have the ability to manipulate time would really detract from the playing out of Harry's story....

.....

The playing out of that story will of course involve many different people -- and we'll start to look at a few of them when we jump from Magical Objects to Wizards in the next set-up/payoff post.

Don't forget, the comment boxes are back! Make use of them!

COMMENT BOXES ARE BACK

I guess it's just to teach me patience that the comment boxes go down (in which case it means they'll go down frequently... sigh.)

But they're back! I've pasted in a few comments that people e-mailed me while the boxes were down. If yours didn't get pasted in, sorry -- I saved them all, but AOL crashed on me a few times (what a surprise) and I lost quite a bit of what I thought I'd saved.

So race down the blog and start commenting! Nothing more discouraging to a blogger than page after page with "No comments" on them.

More blogging tomorrow!

TRUE STYLE

Sometimes the secret in creating something beautiful is knowing when to stop.

I was forced to buy Strunk & White's The Elements of Style my first week as a college freshman. It is still on my bookshelf, lo these many years later. And I still refer to it (and still crib from it when teaching how to write screenplays with style).

It's a good thing there are used book stores out there, though, because it seems they've messed with a true classic. Here's an essay by David Gelernter on the dumbing down of "The Elements of Style."

Sometimes a small issue lights a large landscape like a slash of lightning; for a moment we see society with dazzling clarity. A new edition of "The Elements of Style" has just appeared -- "Elements" is the classic writers' handbook by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White. The new version starkly illuminates our disrespect for national treasures.

In 1957, White was asked to revise Strunk's decades-old text. White (who had been Strunk's student at Cornell) agreed, and he published two further revisions in 1972 and '79. The result was not merely brilliant, it was beloved: It's never been out of print. White died in 1985. Then the trouble started. A post-mortem revision appeared in 1999; it has just be republished with pictures by Maira Kalman. To mark the new release, a PR volcano erupted. The New York Public Library even staged a musical "Elements." The new version violates what Strunk and White is all about.

The revision was done anonymously. The only new name on the title page is now the illustrator's. And the reviser has been unfaithful to Strunk and White. For starters, he changed White's signed introduction, a short memoir about Strunk -- like reworking a Picasso but leaving the signature. He changed lots of other things too.

According to White, Strunk "felt that the reader was in serious trouble most of the time, a man floundering in a swamp, and that it was the duty of anyone attemptint to write English to drain the swamp quickly and get his man up on dry ground, or at least throw him a rope." The revised version tells us Strunk felt, on the contrary, "that the reader was in serious trouble most of the time, floundering in a swamp, and that it was the duty of anyone attempting to write English to drain this swamp quickly and get the reader up on dry ground, or at least to throw a rope."

"At leastto throw a rope?" Throw it where? To whom? The phrase is vague bordering on meaningless. And White's "get his man up on dry ground" hints at the author's personal responsibility to his reader. Of course these are details. But White cared passionately about the details that make for good writing.

The reviser clearly disapproves of the indefinite masculine -- "he," "man" and so on -- to mean anyone. Fine. Except that White believed the exact opposite, and said so in a rule he added to "Elements": "He has lost all suggestion of maleness in these circumsntances." This very issue caused a sad disagreement toward the end of White's long relationship with the New Yorker, a magazine he more than any other author raised to dizzying literary heights. In 1971, White submitted a piece attacking "gender neutral" writing -- and the New Yorker rejected it. Dog rejects bone.

The latest "Elements" includes clunkers like this: "When repeating a statement to emphasize it, the writer may need to vary its form. Otherwise, the writer should follow the principle of parallel construction." Here's the way it was actually written: "When repeating a statement to emphasize it, the writer may need to vary its form. But apart from this he should follow the principle of parallel construction."

New words enter the language all the time, as Strunk and White tell us: "Youth invariably speaks to youth in a tongue of his own devising." A memorable phrase, taut as a piano string: "youth speaks to youth." Here is the new, "improved" version: "Youth invariably speaks to other youths in a tongue of their own devising." Who would have thought these small changes could do so much damage, like a monkey wrench through a plate-glass window?

Adding insult to injury, the illustrated edition includes a page of credits, dedications, copyright notices and so forth -- each printed separately and placed on the page at strange angles or upside down. Clever. The word "hello" sprawls across the inside front cover in fancy italics; "thank you," "and," "good-bye" appear on three pages at the end.

"Avoid the elaborate, the pretentious, the coy and the cute," say Strunk and White.

When the 1999 version resurfaced in fancy dress, the New York literary world should have thrown a fit. Instead, it threw a party. But what gives anyone the right to tamper with a masterpiece? American authors had a good year in 1957. Would anyone have the nerve to publish a revised version of a story by Malamud, Shaw, Updike, Nabokov? Or an essay by Mailer, Podhoretz or White himself? True, the language changes. But why couldn't the reviser's bright ideas have appeared as notes surrounding the unchanged original?

What should we make of litearti who claim to treasure "Elements" but don't mind seeing it brutally mangled? And here's the larger problem: A society that has no respect for its literary treasures probably -- deep down -- has no respect for itself.

I'm supposed to teach a class on "Writing with Style" for Act One this week... Maybe it's time to pull my 1979 version of "Elements of Style" off the shelf and teach some real style...

MAGICAL OBJECTS: SET-UPS AND PAYOFFS

My review of magical objects isn't arranged in terms of what I think is most likely to be important, or in the order that they appeared in the book -- though either of those would have made sense. No, for some reason now forgotten to me, they are arranged more or less in order of how many mentions we tend to have of them (or at least how many notes I took about them). So that will make them appear, well, pretty random. Hope you find some nuggets in the randomness.

Dark Objects Hidden at the Malfoys'

Apparently Lucius Malfoy has quite the treasure trove of dark objects hidden away at his manor. In Chamber of Secrets, he sells some of his goodies to Borgin at Borgin & Burkes in order to avoid a Ministry of Magic inquiry -- but we learn he has many more sequestered away [CS-4]. Later Draco tells "Crabbe" and "Goyle" (i.e., Harry and Ron under the influence of Polyjuice Potion) that his father has dark objects hidden away in secret in a chamber under their drawing room floor [CS-12].

Several books later, after the acknowledged return of Voldemort and the revelation that Lucius was on the Dark Lord's side, the Ministry of Magic belatedly raids the Malfoy home, but doesn't get much (though Arthur Weasley thinks they got everything dangerous [HBP-7]. Harry, obsessed with Draco, pushes Arthur to go back again. Arthur does so, but finds nothing further [HBP-11].

But it's important to note that the Malfoys held in their possession one of the most valuable dark objects on the face of the earth: Tom Riddle's diary [CS-18], which, we learn much later, actually contained 1/7 of Voldemort's soul:

"...Of course, Lucius did not know what the diary really was. I understand that Voldemort had told him the diary would cause the Chamber of Secrets to reopen because it was cleverly enchanted. Had Lucius known he held a portion of his master's soul in his hands, he would undoubtedly have treated it with more reverence -- but instead he went ahead and carried out the old plan for his own ends: By planting the diary upon Arthur Weasley's daughter, he hoped to discredit Arthur and get rid of a highly incriminating magical object in one stroke..."[HBP-23]

What else does Lucius have hidden away? (Because do we really believe that Arthur, sweet as he is, couldn't be fooled by the devious Lucius Malfoy into missing some hidden items?) Does he have another Horcrux?

I doubt that. I don't think it would have been good planning on Voldemort's part to have two Horcruxes stored in the same location (not just because of potential treachery -- what if there was, say, a fire?). But I don't think we've seen everything the Malfoys have at their disposal. Draco's storyline has a long way to go, and he has been quite busy indeed with dark objects -- the Vanishing Cabinet, the Hand of Glory, the Peruvian Darkness Powder (perhaps not originally a Dark Object, but certainly used for dark means). I think we will see more of what's hidden in that chamber under the drawing room.

The Headmaster Portraits

The portraits of past Headmasters in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts seem to have a few magical properties that other wizarding portraits do not have. Not only can the Headmasters therein move between pictures at Hogwarts, but they are able to move between the portraits of themselves in different locations, as well as between the pictures in any of those locations [OP-22].

And while the Headmasters seem to spend most of their time sleeping [CS-12] (they are, after all, all dead -- and most likely quite old on top of that), they listen to what goes on in the Headmaster's office [OP-22].

More than just listening, these reflections of the former Headmasters are required to serve the current Headmaster:

"We are honor-bound to give service to the present Headmaster of Hogwarts!" cried a frail-looking old wizard whom Harry recognized as Dumbledore's predecessor, Armando Dippet. [OP-22]

This service can involve running errands, as when Dumbledore asks two former Heads to go to the Ministry of Magic and St. Mungo's and report back what's happening [OP-22], or when he has the reluctant Phineas Nigellus convey a message to Sirius [OP-22].

What's interesting to me is that the former Headmasters not only do what the Headmaster asks as a routine thing, but that they seem to have a real loyalty to him. All the Headmaster portraits witness what happens when Dumbledore hexes Umbridge, Fudge, et al., then disappears with Fawkes. Yet evidently none of them, not even Phineas Nigellus, whom one would think would have no personal reason to side with Dumbledore (coming from the Black family as he does), turns Dumbledore in [OP-27].

But we're not likely to spend much time at Hogwarts in Book 7, so why does it matter what the Headmaster portraits can and can't do? Well, it matters, of course, because of the new portrait added: that of Dumbledore himself [HBP-29].

How much of his living past can a portrait remember? Can Dumbledore's portrait convey to Harry all the other clues and hints about the Horcruxes that Harry never got to hear? Can he finally tell Harry the story of how his hand was destroyed?

We don't have any idea how to answer these questions -- but I think they must be answered in Book 7, given the prominence of the mention of Dumbledore's portrait. Now maybe Harry won't think to go ask the portrait until it's too late (as he forgot the Two-Way Mirror). That, in fact, would be a good way to keep Harry as the hero, no longer the student, in Book 7. (Blocking Harry's access to Hogwarts would be another way.) I believe, however, that this is a set-up that must be paid off -- and I don't say that often.

The Weasleys' Clock

Sigh. I really hope that some of the problems with the Weasley's clock are problems that came up in editing (if anyone has the UK edition and can respond as to whether the same problems exist there, I'd be interested to know).

Problems, you ask? What problems? Well...

When we first see the one-of-a-kind clock, it only has one hand, which points to things like "Time to make tea" or "Time to feed the chickens" or "You're late" [CS-3].

When we next see the clock (and the writing makes it seem as if we're discussing the same clock Harry saw on an earlier visit to the Burrow), it's specified that it's a grandfather clock. The clock now has one hand for each member of the family, pointing to the location or condition of that person (home, work, school, traveling, lost, hospital, prison, mortal peril) [GF-10]. It's clearly this version of the clock that Dumbledore is speaking of so approvingly in Order of the Phoenix [OP-22].

But when we go back to the clock in Half-Blood Prince, it still reflects the location/condition of the family members (all at "mortal peril," however, which seems less than useful) [HBP-6]. But now, Molly Weasley is able to carry it around and prop it in her laundry basket [HBP-5]. Awfully hard to do that with a grandfather clock.

Oops.

Since we're going back to the Burrow for Bill and Fleur's wedding, I do hope to see the clock again. I'd like to know if Fleur's name gets magically added when she marries Bill. I'd also like to see (well, not really) if someone's name disappears from the clock if they die (say, Percy). Also, given the special position Harry holds in Molly's heart (as I blogged in an earlier post), I wouldn't be surprised to see Harry's name up on the clock by the end of Book 7.

Oh, I was going to stop here, but I can't end with what looks like a fairly significant continuity mistake. So let's go on to one more magical object:

Broomsticks

We see a lot of broomsticks throughout the books, of course, and my interest here isn't to discuss the relative quality of the Nimbus 2000 vs. the Firebolt. We'll leave that to the hard-core Quidditch fans.

I just want to note how incredibly great Harry is on a broom. He's a natural. He can fly like a pro without taking a single lesson, indeed, without ever having set, um, butt on a broom before [SS-9]. Even McGonagall is astonished:

"The boy's a natural. I've never seen anything like it.... He caught that thing in his hand after a fifty-foot dive," Professor McGonagall told Wood. "Didn't even scratch himself. Charlie Weasley couldn't have done it." [SS-9]

We've seen payoffs already for Harry's remarkable flying ability, of course, on the Quidditch field naturally, and most impressively, in the first task of the Triwizard Tournament.

But I wouldn't be surprised to see Harry do some seriously important flying in Book 7. We're reminded several times in Half-Blood Prince that Harry prefers flying to Apparition [HBP-18]. I've already suggested that possibly Harry could find Voldemort, should he need to, by flying after an owl.

And there's this little nugget dropped for apparently no reason by Hagrid at Harry's first Quidditch match: Only powerful Dark Magic can interfere with a broom [SS-11].

Why would we need to know that? Could Harry's flying be in for some interference in Book 7?

.....

Okay, that's a better place to end for today. Next HP post, I'll talk about dragon's blood, Sneakoscopes, and other fun things one might find lying around the house. Sure hope those comment boxes come back soon!

HALLOWEEN HUMBLE PIE

Last year I blogged at some length about how I hate Halloween.

This year, I find I have to, um, eat my words.

Because this year, I feel like I totally missed Halloween.

I didn't miss the horrible shopping for costumes one bit, I have to say! No standing for hours in some creepy costume shop filled with canned screams on an endless loop. In fact, this year the kids begged not to go to a Halloween shop, with the memories of last year's fiasco still all too fresh in their minds (this was the place where the highlight was the animatronic zombie that crawls across your front yard, pulls off its own head, and spews blood everywhere).

Instead, nice and early, we logged on to eBay, typed in "boy costume" and scrolled through several hundred choices at our leisure (a big loud "no" to most of them!), before Cory settled on wearing an orange biohazard suit (which he augmented by carrying a McDonald's bag at the end of a grabber -- his version of toxic waste). Sabrina was even easier -- because her teacher carries out a pirate theme in the classroom, she wanted to be a pirate. So we typed in "costume girl pirate," scrolled through the 150 choices that came up, chose one. Point, click, the doorbell rings with the costume.

And I didn't miss going to the pumpkin patch, paying $20 for each pumpkin and standing around for an hour smelling the delightful odor of an overpriced petting zoo. Instead, I palmed the pumpkin chores off on Lee this year. True to form, he waited till the last minute, then stopped at our local organic food store, where they were slashing prices on pumpkins. And we picked up two nice ones for less than $6. Less than Costco last year. And he took care of the carving and the disposal of the glop. Excellent.

And Halloween itself was easier this year because our school decided to have their Halloween carnival the Friday before, due to other activities happening at school on Halloween itself. As a room mom, I had to work the carnival again, but this year we snagged the easiest possible booth (the candy-guessing booth -- we load up canisters with candy, the kids guess and win it).

No, it wasn't till Halloween night that I realized how much I actually missed the holiday I don't even like.

Our old house was in a big Halloween neighborhood, on the one flat (=safe) street in the canyon. All the neighbor kids came by, we chatted, admired costumes, all very friendly.

Our new house, on the other hand, is up in the hills. Way up in the hills. On a twisty, climbing, curvy street. Right off the bat, we knew we would send the kids elsewhere to trick-or-treat. But I stayed home, just in case. Platter of candy by the door, jack-o'-lanterns lit on the front porch.

And no one came by. Not one. Not even the toddlers we know live nearby because we sometimes hear them crying.

Meanwhile, the kids and Lee went off to the street in Halloween that goes all out -- the street where, it turns out everyone goes. Some of these houses clearly spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars decorating for Halloween. The kids ended up skipping some of the more elaborate ones because there were up to 40 kids in line! (Their favorite was the decorated car on the front lawn w/ two Corpse-Bride type corpses in the front seat and a legend across the back reading "Just Buried.")

As it turned out, half the kids' friends from school went to the same neighborhood. Lee kept calling in on his cell to report -- they'd joined up with Michael and Dara and Henry and a ton of other kids, Sabrina had gone off with Sophia and her mother to cover another block for a while, they were going to stay out for another half hour or so because it was just so much fun...

And I sat at home and cried. Just a little. Just wishing I still lived in a real neighborhood, where we knew our neighbors, where our kids played with neighbors' kids, where there was a history and a tradition. (We've been here 5 months, haven't met a single neighbor -- we're in practically the only non-gated house on the street, and next to a school, so really no neighbors to speak of anyway.)

So maybe I don't hate Halloween all that much anymore. Next year, I think I'll blow out the candles in the pumpkins, lock everything up nice and tight... and bundle up to go down to the street where everyone was having so much fun.

SQUAWKBOX DOWN

Yes, I do know my comment boxes are down. The whole Squawkbox site appears to be down at the moment. The last time this happened, it took 2 or 3 days and they magically came back up.

So that's what I'm hoping for this time. In the meantime, thanks to all who have e-mailed me their comments. I'll post them as soon as the comment boxes are back and up, and the dialogue can continue. Thanks!

WEASLEY'S WIZARD WHEEZES: SET-UPS AND PAYOFFS

We run into lots and lots of fun (and sometimes scary) magical objects in Harry Potter, and we've certainly seen through the first six books how they can be set up for future payoff (as witness the Vanishing Cabinet, which I discussed in my first set-up/payoff post, so stealthily set up and so cleverly -- and fatally -- paid off).

So let's take a look at some of the magical objects we may see again in Book 7. They're not in any particular order, so we'll find ourselves bouncing (ferret-like!) all around the books for a post or two. Let's start with...

Fred and George's Inventions

Fred and George Weasley are deceptively talented wizards, and have been so from an early age. Ron tells us that when he was 5 years old (meaning when the twins were approximately 7), they turned his teddy bear into a spider [CS-9] -- pretty impressive magic when we know that many young wizards haven't even produced any magic at that age.

Even Hermione, a pretty tough witch to impress, is impressed by the twins' magic, against her own best instincts. She admits that the Headless Hats, which extend their reach of invisibility past the actual object, are so clever she can't figure them out [OP-24]. Moreover, Hermione calls their Daydream charms "extraordinary magic" [HBP-6]. And let's not forget that Flitwick thought their Portable Swamp [OP-29] was terrific magic as well.

But all that magic being produced for fun can have, as we have already seen, a darker application. Draco Malfoy uses the twins' Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder [HBP-6] as a key ingredient in his plan to let Death Eaters into Hogwarts -- and like most of the twins' inventions, it works all too well:

"--Peruvian Instant Darkness Powder," said Ron bitterly. "Fred and George's. I'm going to be having a word with them about who they let buy their products." [HBP-29]

And Ron's point is well-taken indeed. Fred and George's products work too well in the wrong hands. So let's take a look at the rest of their inventions (that we know about), and think about how they could be used in Book 7.

--Canary Creams [GF-21] -- It's hard to see candy that turns the eater into a giant canary being used for more than fun.

--Extendable Ears [OP-4] -- A very useful invention already, but not one that Fred and George appear to have made available to the public. We certainly won't need them to spy on the Order of the Phoenix, since all our main players will be of age as Book 7 starts -- but we could use them for standard spying as the trio did at Borgin & Burkes.

--Skiving Shackboxes [OP-17] -- A little too Hogwarts-specific, perhaps, to be needed in Book 7. But you never know...

--Weasleys' Wizard Whiz-Bangs [OP-28] -- Frankly, I wouldn't be surprised to see these again in Movie 7, whether they appear in Book 7 or not. Fireworks -- especially of the spectacular (one might even say, Gandalfian) nature of these -- are always worth looking at! Useful for the plot? Probably not. But maybe we'll see them in celebration at the end of the book?

--Punching telescope [HBP-5] -- Given that this item was such a throwaway, and that it was deemed unfinished by the twins, I wouldn't be surprised at all to see it show up in Book 7.

--Bruise remover [HBP-6] -- A handy thing to have, but probably not a player in any future plotting.

--Edible Dark Marks [HBP-6] -- These are cute, and clever in that they help wizards make fun of the Dark Lord (a good way to subtly weaken his power!). They make me wonder if the twins might not go further in this direction -- could they create a faux Dark Mark if someone needed to go undercover? I bet they could.

--Magic quills (self-inking, spell-checking, smart-answer) [HBP-6] -- Again, a little too Hogwarts-specific for future plot, I think. Although I do wonder just which meaning the twins ascribe to "spell-checking"?

--Reuseable Hangman [HBP-6] -- I hope Mattel is paying attention to this one!

--Wonder Witch love potions [HBP-6] -- We've already seen some payoff to these, with Romilda Vane going after Harry (and ending up with Ron!). We've also seen how crafty Fred and George are even in their marketing, as they disguise these contraband items as perfume and cough syrup [HBP-15]. I wonder if the love potion episode with Harry was in itself a bit of a set-up: We now have in our minds the idea that Fred and George's items can be used against Harry. Which should make us think: What else of the twins' could be used against Harry?

--Shield Hats, Cloaks and Gloves [HBP-6] -- Now these are useful! And with the Ministry of Magic already ordering them, I'm expecting that we will indeed see them in use (probably not by the trio) in Book 7. Can't you just see Cornelius Fudge in complete Shield regalia?

--Decoy Detonators [HBP-6] -- A clever invention. And Fred and George already handed a bunch of them to Harry. Hey, if I had a handful of these stuffed in my trunk, I'd sure use 'em.

--Pygmy Puffs [HBP-6] -- Just cute, I think. Although we could see something sad happen to Ginny's pet, I suppose.

And let's not forget:

-U-No-Poo [HBP-6] -- One of the biggest laughs of Half-Blood Prince, right up there with Luna commentating on Quidditch. While I don't read fan fiction, I sure hope someone in the fan fiction world is having fun with this!

....That's all of Fred and George's inventions that I've tracked down -- though I may have missed some. And who knows what they've invented in between books? I do hope we get something glorious from the twins in Book 7 -- the moment where they stood up to Umbridge in Order of the Phoenix was one of the best of all the books, and I think they deserve something truly great (hopefully something that leaves them alive!)...

Next post, we'll meander over to other Magical Objects, including the dark objects hidden away at the Malfoys, those chatty Headmaster portraits, and more....

WHAT MAKES AN OSCAR-NOMINATED FILM?

When I reviewed The Constant Gardener a few weeks ago, I mentioned that it's the type of film that gets Oscar nominations. And someone posted a comment asking what made me say that. (I wanted to paste in the actual comment, and give credit to the actual commenter... but SquawkBox is down as I write this, and I don't have access to it.)

With Oscar season just about upon us, I thought it was worth coming back to this question. What, indeed, does make a film seem Oscar-worthy?

This is not just a question for the Oscar voters, by the way. Studios greenlight movies thinking "Oscar! Oscar!" in the back of their minds -- or, if they're honest enough, they even say it out loud. So clearly they know something about what Academy voters will respond to.

Here, for what it's worth, are my thoughts about what makes an Oscar-nominated film. (I'm talking "Best Picture" here.)

For starters, here's what doesn't win Oscars: Comedy.

Yeah, a few comedies will get nominated from time to time, but no one takes them seriously (no pun intended) in the competition. The same goes for the Best Actor and Best Actress nominations. Most people acknowledge that comedy is more difficult than drama (I think it was John Barrymore, on his deathbed, who responded to someone's comment about how hard it must be to be facing death by saying: "Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."). However, the Academy just doesn't nominate or vote for comedies.

Okay, let's look at the last 20 years of Oscar winners and see what we can find in common:

2005 Million Dollar Baby
2004 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
2003 Chicago
2002 A Beautiful Mind
2001 Gladiator
2000 American Beauty
1999 Shakespeare in Love
1998 Titanic
1997 The English Patient
1996 Braveheart
1995 Forrest Gump
1994 Schindler's List
1993 Unforgiven
1992 Silence of the Lambs
1991 Dances with Wolves
1990 Driving Miss Daisy
1989 Rain Man
1988 The Last Emperor
1987 Platoon
1986 Out of Africa

So what do these winners have in common?

Well, astonishingly (to this writer who loves writing historical drama, but who can't find a studio willing to read a historical drama), 16 out of the 20 (80%!!!) are period pieces, and arguably, only 2 of those ("Chicago" and "Lord of the Rings") are a genre other than drama. Studios don't buy these types of scripts, they don't greenlight them -- unless they fit into the "Oscar" slot.

Given that the Oscars are American awards, we also see a remarkable number of non-American stories -- 9 of the winners are set elsewhere. And we sure do love those British (and Australian) actors.

It's a truism that actors love to play "exceptional" characters (geniuses, disabled, psychologically disabled, etc.), knowing they have a lock on a nomination -- and sure enough, we seen plenty of winning movies fueled by these performances: "Million Dollar Baby." "A Beautiful Mind." "Forrest Gump." "Silence of the Lambs." "Rain Man."

Finally -- and this one is an absolute guarantee when it comes to placing your Oscar bets -- if an actor directs, he wins Best Director. And his film probably wins Best Picture as well. The actors branch of the Academy is the largest branch and, as has been proven year after year, actors vote for actors. Mel Gibson for "Braveheart." Ron Howard for "A Beautiful Mind." Clint Eastwood for "Unforgiven." Even Kevin Costner for "Dances with Wolves."... Poor Martin "I'll-do-anything-for-an-Oscar" Scorsese didn't stand a chance when up against Clint Eastwood again last year.

"Wait a minute," I hear you say. "What about 'The Passion of the Christ'?" Well, that was emphatically not a studio movie -- and Mel Gibson let it be known that he was deliberately not going to market the movie for Oscar nominations, in effect shunning the Academy. The surprise isn't that the movie wasn't nominated, given the perceived diss to the Academy, it's that it was nominated in categories such as Cinemetography and Score.

"Okay, then," you respond. "But what about Ron Howard's first Oscar shot: 'Apollo 13'? Why didn't he win them?"

It's quite simple. Ron Howard didn't win for 'Apollo 13' because he was up against... another actor. (In fact, Mel Gibson for "Braveheart.")

So why do I say "The Constant Gardener" is Oscar bait? Well, it hits enough of the big "musts": It's a drama. It's (in part) a period drama, because it's told mostly in flashbacks. It's got a heavyweight British lead in Ralph Fiennes. Those elements alone are enough to get it on people's personal "for your consideration" lists. Will it actually be nominated? No, I doubt it. It's not a good enough film, and would need very weak competition to float to the top of the lists.

But you better believe that when it was greenlit, "Oscar Oscar Oscar" was in all the execs' minds.