A NEW KIND OF PREJUDICE?

I happened to be standing around in a group of moms I barely know a week or so ago, and we were chatting about school. Pretty normal, given that school was about to begin, given that, in L.A. at least, it's no longer a given that you can put your child in the local school and expect them to get a decent (or even safe) education. The effort to get into the 'right' school -- private or public -- is a constant topic of conversation among L.A. moms (and frankly, it seems it's more effort to get into a good public school than private).

Well, one mom had recently moved out of Beverly Hills into Los Angeles, leaving the (used-to-be) famed Beverly Hills school system. The mom had an amazingly-worded explanation for it. What she meant was that she didn't want her kid going to school with all the Persians who have moved into Beverly Hills. (And there have been cultural clashes up the wazoo in B.H. as the Persian population has skyrocketed. We saw them just starting when we lived there over 15 years ago. Nowadays many of the clashes involve architecture.)

A fairly bigoted remark to make in public, one would think. But this particular mom had her remarks so nuanced, so smooth, that if you didn't already know what she was talking about, you'd never get her point. Boy, was she slick. Not an obvious ethnic slur in sight. Believe me, there was no way to call her on any prejudice, because if you dissected her words, all she'd really said was that they had moved to give their kids a good education.

One almost had to admire the skill with which she made her point.

However, her unstated point allowed the door to be squeezed a bit further open to let other prejudices in. And the next one caught me totally by surprise.

Another mom jumped in to say that oh, yes, they had changed their children's school as well, from one public elementary school in Santa Monica to another. And why?

Well, their former school had nice teachers, and really it was a fine school and all that. But you know, it was virtually all two-income families.

And as my jaw dropped, the other moms rushed to agree that, oh yes, definitely an understandable reason to change schools.

It's one thing, I suppose, to be prejudiced against people who are different from you. The ugly "us" vs. "them" thing crops up, there are cultural miscommunications and misunderstandings, the food is different, the language is different, the style is different. There are obviously hurdles to overcome.

But to create a new "us" vs. "them" category -- and to act on it -- seems a whole different thing. It's seeking out reasons for disunity where none should exist. And does the trophy wife who uttered this statement really think that her husband's first wife gets the luxury of staying home with the kids? Does she think she'd get to do it if she hadn't chosen her husband very carefully, and probably with an eye to her future lifestyle? Does she think she'd still be a stay-at-home mom if her husband decided it was time for trophy wife no. 3? Does she think she couldn't move from "us" to "them" in a heartbeat?

It's wonderful to be able to be a stay-at-home mom. But in L.A., with its high cost of living, it's rare. It's as much a status symbol as a beach club membership or a new Mercedes every year. Two-parent families with only one income-earner are rare (and usually fairly rich).

Was I taking it personally, because I am a working mom? Maybe -- but I recognize that I have the best of both worlds in working at home. I get to work and be here for my kids.

Still, a week or two later, I am still reeling from the quiet prejudice so mildly stated on a church patio -- and so quickly agreed with.